People Should be an Ends in Themselves...

I totally forgot that I hate parties...

Totally...

Hate...

Parties...

I was INVITED (remember the italicizing and capslocking for later...) to this party in Bucktown over by Western & Fullerton tonight... The reason I didn't laugh and say no immediately was because the person doing the inviting was a girl I met on the FaceBook form my school named Chiyo who I've been bugging about us finally meeting. I'm pretty sure she invited me here in response to this...

Not a good choice.

However, the fact that I was blinded by my happiness to finally meet this seemingly-fucking-awesome girl made it impossible for me to remember that parties are not my cup of socialization tea. So... It was a costume party. I went as Ico, and made a totally awesome costume if you ask me, but was turned away at this dumb ass fucking party because "the place was full."

...

Here is our conversation:

Mike: "Hey, whats goin' on?"

Fuckheadbitchmotherfuckeridiotbitch: "Not much."

Mike: "Cool. Can I get in?"

F.H.B.M.F.I.B.: "The keg is all gone. Drained."

Mike: "I don't drink."

F.H.B.M.F.I.B.: "Why would you go to a party and not drink?"

Mike: "To meet someone."

F.H.B.M.F.I.B.: "Do you know anyone who lives here?"

Mike: "No. I was invited by a friend."

F.H.B.M.F.I.B.: "You can't get in."

Mike: "But I'm supposed to meet someone here."

F.H.B.M.F.I.B.: "You don't want to know anyone here. They're all assholes. Nobody cool."

Mike: "And you're full?"

F.H.B.M.F.I.B.: "Yeah. Sorry."

So... as I'm leaving, the memories of my hatred of the party scene FLOODING back to me, I see these skanky-ass girls in nothing but fishnets it seems walk up to the guy.

F.H.B.M.F.I.B.: "HEY! COME ON IN! Oh, well... You know the keg is drained... is that alright?"

Girl: "That's ok, we don't drink. I'm here to eat co--"

*and she trails off*

F.H.B.M.F.I.B.: "OH HELL, YEAH! THESE ARE MY KIND OF GIRLS!!!"

Now... since I'm pretty sure this guy wouldn't get excited about a girl who likes to eat coconuts, I can only assume she was offering certain unspeakable favors in exchange for entry into this lame-ass, typical house party.

Now... The fact that I spent all this time making my excellent costume only to be turned away from a place I didn't even know I was going to doesn't bother me. Granted, I was not told this was going to be a house party, but I still should have gotten past the exceitement of meeting Chiyo and realized she was taking me to a place where (if I had even gotten in) I would have ended up sitting on a couch next to a drunken couple making out all by my lonesome. I am disappointed about not meeting Chiyo, yes, but there will be a time for that (hopefully in a less... SHITTY place). What I am bothered by is that I let myself once again be placed in a situation where I was not in the least bit comfortable or enjoying it at all.

You know, this world will continue to be shitty as long as places like this are the norm for young people to congregate... All I'm gonna say this time is that people should NEVER be used as a means to an end... NEVER. People are an end in themselves and unless young fuckheads like my Columbia brotherin can understand this, we will be continuing the downward spiral into a race of people who don't give a rat's ass about the next person...

...

*sigh* Oh well... I did get a nice costume out of the deal...

Now Playing: Eluvium - "Under the Water it Glowed"

2.58 and still awake...

Oh, this is nothing...

Finally got some things that were this *motions w/ fingers* close to being forever buried and repressed (don't see the surprise? join the rest of the world.) off my chest. I had a chat with Monica with whom I've been having good chats with lately. I'm never gonna be the one to say "HEY. LET'S TALK ABOUT ME, PLEASE." But I obviously needed this. I spent a while talking about my past, present and pending self. I finally was able to talk to someone who agrees that what happened to me on my one night of drunken debauchery actually happened.

Getting this stuff off of my chest along with being able to talk through (well, not "through," but "out" at least) my own personal demons is huge right now because I haven't been able to say even "Hi" to my demons since Sonja and I stopped talking...

...

Odd... One of the things Monica and I talked about was my past relationship with my ex-best friend, Nicole. And if you've been following, you all know how Nicole and Sonja are the same person to me...

Anywho... it was a selfish good time. We, as humans (however humble and "perfect boy friend material" (thanks, Monica :-) that human may be), need this selfish ventilation once in a while. I still actually want to talk about what happened last saturday just because I'm glad I've been able to put a more humorous spin on it and because it's frankly the most "exciting" thing to happen to me outside of being in a new school in years... As bad as that is, it's a start...

Now Playing: Headlights - "Everybody Needs a Fence to Lean On"

WHITE SOX... YAY!!!

And by "Yay," I mean... *cries uncontrollably*...

I was totally on the verge of tears because I was imagining Dempster pitching to Barrett. A sick slider that Burke barely fouled off and - OH MY GOD!!! NEIFI PEREZ MADE AN UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE CATCH!!! One more out! SLOW CHOPPER! PEREZ TO LEE... CUBS WIN!!! CUBS WIN!!! CUBS WIN!!! CUBS WIN THE WORLD SERIES...

...

But, hey... No more defiling their moment. This was the Sox' night. They deserved it so much more than anybody... Which is so fucking hard for me, as a Cubs' fan, to say. I lost the wager with Steve and I think I'm going to walk into work tomorrow with this on...

This one is for my grandpa, my brother, Steve, Brad, Uncle Dave and his father (who I hope is seeing this from where ever good Sox fans go when they pass on...) Congrats, guys...

...

NOW CAN WE PLEASE HAVE ONE, NOW?!!?

Now Playing: Iron & Wine - "Freedom Hangs Like Heaven"

Oops...

Wow. So I definately got drunk for the first time last night.

...

That is never happening again. The reason? All of them. I had a fraction of the control I am used to having which basically kept making me cry. The two people I was with were trying to talk to me and I would randomly burst into tears lamenting the fact that it was wrong of me to take part in this. Its not that I was pressured into it, because I definately had a motive to do what I did.

I wanted them to shut up.

Well, I think I more than justified my hatred of alcohol and I cannot even be happy that I got it out of the way because of all the bad shit that happened. "Bad shit?" you ask... Too fucking bad, thats all you're getting.

I remember every single thing that happened because my brain was working @ regular speed, but my body was reacting in ways that were out of my control and was not responding to my head. This morning was totally different; my body was willing, but my brain was not having it. It was an odd sensation. I felt as though I had just spent an hour spinning around looking upwards and couldn't keep my balance (wow Mike, what a cliche description).

I remember clearly (though I don't know if anyone heard me or understood me) saying "What will Erin think?" Why? I know that now I feel strange because if people were to read this, their perception of me would change. This doesn't bother me, so don't think that it does, its just something that I've been aware of.

I did way too many shots for my first time being drunk. But frankly, I've drank before, and I'm pretty sure I did just enough to get me drunk. So I'm unsure as to whether or not there is a range between tipsy and plastered. Because I went straight from being completely sober to not being able to stand without falling over (which I did three times and coincidentally were the only funny moments of the whole night...

All in all, it was an awful experience and I'm sorry it happened. I'm glad it was with the people it was with to a point, but lets just say it could have been a lot better... And it could have been a lot worse...

How does the song go?

"4 shots of brandy,
3 shots of whiskey,
3 shots of gin,
a bottle of water
and you're up for falling down..."

Now Playing: Underworld - "Jumbo"

The Bass is Down, but I STILL have the damn Headache...

Man... 'thefuck?

Who knew doing what you loved would be so fucking hard... ALREADY?

I mean, I'm sitting here trying to come up with a source story, a proposal, and a treatment for a simple assignment and I find myself browsing my OWN damn groups on TheFaceBook, the world's greatest advocate of procrastination...

Oh yeah, a bunch of us from work went to Samah last saturday and it was fabulous. I made the reservation a day ahead of time and still had to settle for a 1-3 am booth... Whatever. It was worth it. Besides, they didn't get out of work until about 11:45 anyway. I've been designated as the planned of saturday nights from now on, I suppose. I wish reading Achewood aloud was a "night out" thing... That'd be a fucking riot.

OMG. SOX WON THE FUCKING PENNANT... THERE WILL BE A WORLD SERIES... IN CHICAGO... AND NO JIMMY "COULDN'T-MAKE-SOMEONE-LAUGH-OUT-OF-A-PAPER-BAG" FALLON WALKING ONTO THE FIELD FOR A MOVIE THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT!

Erin's gift is not going as planned. She is in Spain and I am trying desperately (I don't know what has been done to me to make me care for her this much) to get a little video compilation together to send her... in spain. I have some nice footage of our fine city at night and my favorite season in the day, but the birthday wishes I thought would come aren't coming. Jihan (Erin's bestest Carelton friend) is studying abroad... again (which sends the Carleton people wishes pretty much down the drain), Angie said something about coming in this weekend which didn't happen, Lynn is not returning my messages and I have yet to visit Erin's house to talk with her mom, Karen and Melissa (this will probably be the only one I can remedy). So basically, so far I have pointless shots of my neighborhood in MY favorite season, dark and unfocused shots of our city (unable to catch its true beauty), and wishes from my parents, Molly, and myself... Still... she would like this is better than any gift she has ever gotten and thats the reason I'm continuing with the project. I just hope she can enjoy the 32 mixes I converted into mp3 cds (OMG... so much work and pain for me and my computer) for her to accompany the gift on this special birthday of hers.

Anyway... I'm just sore and crabby and upset and bored and uninteresting and uninspired and headachey and itchy and bloated and horny and lonely and drained and stressed and tired and emotionally limp and exhausted and worried and procrastinating and horny and depressed and anxious and on edge and cranky and bipolar and sore is all...

Now Playing: Six Organs of Admittance - "Words for Two"

$36 & Multiple Conversations about my Sex Life (Lack There of) Later...

So I won $36 dollars at poker tonight after watching the Sox lose game 1 of the ALCS...

Poor Derrick. But I wasn't going to give up those last $6, man... No way.

Other than that, classes are kinda odd because I have each one once a week so there are like a million things due each class. I feel terrible each time I complain to myself, but it really has been quite an adjustment...

WTF, though... I just won $36.

Now Playing: DJ Shadow - "High Noon"