"Ew. Look at that Whore..."

I told them I'd do it. I don't think they believed me...

So I saw "Madagascar" today with Kippie and Colleen. It was pretty good. Not up to my animated standards, but it was fun and very funny at times. Sonja would have LOVED this film. But oh well.

After that, I found myself driving to Evanston to visit the Hookah Cafe very near to the Hotel Orrington where I had my very forgettable junior prom. If I haven't complained about it before, the junior prom was where the food was lousy, the pictures were overpriced and shitty, the dancing was terribly white, I spent no time afterwards with Erin or Lynn and slipped on a patch of ice walking them to their door, and to top it off, later that month was the seniors' prom and there were 5 or 6 guys who stole my fashion by wearing the white jacket and black scarf... Fuckers.

What was I saying? Oh yes. Hookah. I really didn't like this place. The atmosphere reeked of 16-year-olds and the music was loud and reminded me of the time I sawed open my skull and kept poking my brain with a broken, abandoned hockey stick I found in 5th grade at Skate on State...

... Suffice to say, Semah was leaps and bounds better.

...

And it had belly dancers...

Yeah... Thats what I meant to say.

Anyway... After, we went to the Ohio St. Beach and skipped rocks across the lake. I'm pretty sure the one big one I skipped so well is on it's way to Michigan as we speak. I hope Sufjan Stevens finds it and entitles his next album "The Skipped Rock I Found From Chicago and How Much I Love Jesus."

...

Matt will get this. Kippie will not. Then again, the first half of the paragraph is the other way around... "Here's an idea... Let's break all the pipes and get more great ideas!"

Thanks to Kippie for the carrides and yes, since I did, infact, get home unsleeping, barring any unforseen accidents from now til thursday, I will be around for your glorious birthday bash.

Now Playing: Johnny Cash - "I See a Darkness"

Spring Break '01 Held So Much Promise...

Therapy is going pretty well. We worked on my muscles between my shoulder blades and i am really tight and sore now. This also might be because of volley ball today. Which was pretty pretty good. *That just reminded me of this for some reason.* We still lost 2 of 3, but we won one!!!

...

Shut up, it was excellent.

I've been thinking of Nicole a hell of a lot lately. Man, I really was in love with her for a while. The only reason I didn't even entertain the idea of us dating was because I had never had a friend, let alone a girl, like her before and I didn't want to ruin anything. I really thought we were going to be freinds forever. If I had known that we were going to fall apart senior year, I would have given it a shot. No one knew me like she did and, my god, she was fucking beautiful. Probably the most gorgeous girl I ever knew.

I miss her a lot. I wish I could call her, but for some reason I fear she would just ignore the call like she does Steve's.

Oh yeah. I'm a really terrible actor and Kelly's first film was pretty great. Her blooper reel is up there for greatest thing ever.

I love to exaggerate. But still, great job Kelly, Molly, Molly's Grandmother, and Holly's Pills.

Now Playing: U.N.K.L.E. - "Sassafrass"

That picture of Mariya is really less tasteful than I wanted...

Here.

Hookah, Acting, and Love...

Ahhhhhh... I still love you, Mariya.

Anyway. Kippie, Colleen, a friend of their's, Janille, and I went to Semah near Belmont and Clark Thursday night. Really nice atmosphere. The hookah thing was, as I remembered, nothing special, but Kippie says I need to smoke more often and earlier. Nonetheless, it was pretty great to see a bunch of girls getting giggly over belly dancers. I felt kinda bad leaving so early in the night because half the night was spent finidng parking, but I had other arrangements already planned. I was happy to have that little window to hang out with them though. We'll probably go back sometime, hopefully when its like it was on thursday. If I had a significant other, I would most definately take her there. Its a reason to leave the house and to relax. That really was the best part. Relaxing time.

So I helped out Kelly (Molly's li'l sis) again tonight. Lets just say my acting was a bit better than that of Hayden Christiansen's in Episode III. Hes really beautiful to look at, just not so great an actor. Although I think he realized the huge failiure that was Episode II as far as his acting goes, and he made himself better for this film. Still... He was pretty awful. The whole new trilogy was.

Love is pretty great, however destructive. If I don't stop writing in this thing at night, I will continue to say such stupid things. I feel really awful when I hear stories about other people's relationships turning sour. I often wonder if I'm doing the right thing by not focusing on finding someone new right now. I mean, I know I write about it a lot, but actually going out and doing something about it is another thing. I'm not really aggressive enough to find a new girlfriend. But I certainly know I'd enjoy being apart of something significant. A topic I've bitched about a plenty recently.


Anyway. I'm done fucking my brain for now. It'll fuck itself again once I'm trying to sleep.

Now Playing: Snow Patrol - "Run" (Thanks Kippie!)

Interim Will Kill Me...

This 3-week interim MAT course is really kicking my ass right now.

First off, I suck at all maths. There is a synapse in the human brain that fires when mathematical problems present themselves. This synapse was left out when I was born and the space where it should be is occupied by a dark chasm that math problems go to die. I mean... They go in and never come out. And if they do come out, they're usually all hacked and mangled like a shrapnil victim with his balls suddenly sheered off.

Seriously. Not a pretty sight.

Noe Playing: Thoughts in my head wishing I were better at Math.

I'm Cocky Ass Bastard...

Bluntness is something I never really dealt with very well...

Was I really a cockyassbastard in highschool? I guess I still don't deal with it quite as well as I'd like.

Anyway...

Rehab on my shoulder started monday. It was pretty great. Just to know that it can be fixed this summer is an awesome feeling. The stretches leave me pretty weak and sore, but its a good sore feeling. A feeling of... progress sore.

Ha! Kippie just asked me out on a date... Wait. That is literally the first time a girl has ever asked me out on a date. Weird. I wouldn't have guessed it would have been Kippie...

Nonetheless. She's a character and I'm looking forward to spending some time with her. She seems to be as easily depressed by the world as I.

Now Playing: Death Cab For Cutie - "Styrofoam Plates"

Obvious Post of the Month...

I really... really...

...

REALLY...

need a girlfriend.

Its just that my imagination likes to defy the fact that it should be tired by now, but everytime I'm in my room with the lights off at night, I think of cuddling up next to someone special and just relaxing. But, man, the type of person I am combined with my inability to initiate anything basically rules out the notion that I will EVER do that again.

Now Playing: Sigur Rós - "Syndir Guðs (Opinberun Frelsarans)"

Film School^(1+7(Books))/2 Days = JESSS!

Well. This was an awesome weekend.

Friday morning I visited Columbia and was wowed by their ability to wow me. And then the tour started!

I'm going to love going to this place. Its in the city. I can take my major's classes all together right away. I will get to actually do what I've been wanting to do since that night on Erin's couch spent watching "Vanilla Sky." (Okay. Its been a lot longer than that, but that night kinda was a light bulb moment nonetheless)

In any case, it will be wonderful to go to a real school and work directly towards my major and nothing else.

LATER THAT NIGHT...

...came Six Flags Great America! First time back there since Erin and my two-year anniversary.

- The Viper
- Raging Bull
- The Demon
- Superman the Ride
- Batman the Ride
- Vertical Velocity
- Iron Wolf
- The American Eagle

The longest line was about 30 mins and that was for Superman (which was quite cool). Matt, KC and I tried to look like tigers for the picture because of the funky position the ride puts you in. Well, it came out as more of an even sadder version of the bat baby from the National Inquirer. All the other lines were about 2 - 5 mins. It was a great night because we had IHOP afterwords. (we were gonna have Olive Garden, but the American Eagle trumped those plans and, in reaction to that, I drove up onto the curb of the Olive Garden screaming that IHOP now enjoyed our business.

I passed the Orbit and couldn't help but get sappy. I texted Erin and told her I missed her. She left me a message on May 4th telling me she loved me and she would be home soon and we haven't gotten a hold of eachother since. We really do love eachother and its a pretty great feeling. I had to call her and leave her a concert message consisting of "That Right Ain't Shit." I hope she heard it... Oh! The concert! You don't know!

The Books concert was... fucking awesome. I would say it was even better than when I saw them at the Art Institute in the fall of '03. This time, at U of Chicago (which looks stunningly like Hogwarts from the Harry Potter movies), they played longer and had a video projector playing some pretty genius videos that they made for their music. I briefly talked with the head man, Nick and the cellist, Paul (which was pretty fucking cool). I said in passing that they should visit Chicago more often. Nick bowed and thanked me. He had pointed me out in the crowd late in the show as Matt, KC and I were sitting right in front of the band on the stairs. If any of you get the chance to see them, ever, you should. I was lucky this time around because it was a free show, but hey, you can pay anything to see them and it would be worth it. Again. The Books. Great group.

So yeah, this has been pretty great and now, after a huge meal for Mother's day, I have to sit and type out the openning and closing statements for my group's speech for tomorrow.

...

Yeah. Still great.

Now Playing: The Books (Live in Chicago - Fall '03) - "Excess Strausses/Getting the Done Job"

Rasterbate!!!

Rasterbating is basically the greatest thing ever... This was my first attempt. I did it while watching MST's "Giant Spider Invasion."


Lain, anyone? 

Now Playing: Venetian Snares - "Öngyilkos Vasárnap"

Oh, yes...

"Flim" is still wonderful, buuuuut...

the version I'm listening to now has somehow blasted me back into Erin's room in the most relaxingly jazzy way I could have ever imagined. Probably due to the fact that we used to listen to The Notwist's "Neon Golden" a whole lot in her room just relaxing. On the same cd, I had put Isotope217's album and this kinda reminded me of that band in a way because that album has a cover of Tortoise's "Jetty," another electronic song covered by a jazz group... But I digress.

This really is a great track. It always has been...

Now Playing: The Bad Plus - "Flim"

What Is This?

So I was talking with Steve just now and we talked about my little blog for a minute. It got me thinking...

I don't really know why I write in this damn thing.

I would certainly love for someone to read it... That would give me the full and complete alienation from all things human that I've been striving for.

I had a discussion with Matt from work today and we got talking about our plans for Columbia this fall. Our situations are different; he's 24 and will eventually live and go to school in Virginia while I am 20 and plan on at least giving an attempt at using my degree in film one day. It's been a pretty reflective day today.

Sonja was a disaster.
School is coming yet it won't stop in the meantime.
As much as I feel in control when it comes to conversations with Steve that have any weight whatsoever, I am still a virgin and get flustered when the topic of women comes up.
Erin will be in Spain as I am just really starting my college career.
And I still do things for that girl despite the fact that she is as far from being a part of my life as ever (I made another really stupid mix last week and spent far too much time and energy doing so).
I have been thrust into the knowledge that my blog-spawns are weighty and melodramatic.

...

I guess what I meant to say was that Steve came over to play Worms and then we had a talk.

Now Playing: Moby - "Time's Up (Dust Mix)"

I... uh.... ... god...

Well...

I really... am at a loss for words... I told Sonja how I felt annnnd... I got pretty much what I expected.

She felt that way some time ago, but after I told her we should just be friends until I figured some shit out, her feelings changed... Jill says not to give up. Sonja tells me not to regret anything and to understand what I've meant to her... Nothings changed and nothing will change because of it... We are still friends and this doesn't change that... She appreciates my honesty despite having heaps of other things on her plate...

But where have I heard all this before?

Until this pattern ends, I'm just gonna be the "friend in principle" only. Nothing more. Ha! And what comes on the playlist? Just a song that was on the last mix I made for Erin before I was deemed unnecessary to evryone within arms distance of me.

Keep me at arms' length, everybody... Any closer and I'll just become an afterthought of a burden.

No Playing: The Angels of Light - "Kosinski"