Somebody Give Me a Gun...

Friday night... The worst of all nights. Most people are still coming off the high of realizing their week is over and the "fun" is about to begin... Huh... Friday night.

I should not be surprised that as soon as I realized my headaches were gone, they would come back again. As soon as my insignificant fucking brain processes any kind of image of-- nevermind that now. All I can really say is that my head is fucking throbbing right now.

Back to why I started this off with "Friday night...": *More reasons for me to write and then quickly re-read and delete because it is just more pitiful whining* I don't know... I mean, I make myself believe I can smell her in my hands. They're just clamy! I mean, jesus...

*On a side note - I need to get a new sound system for my computer before I go insane. My very, very old Aiwa Stereo (Kinda like this one but mines a little older, not surround sound and less cool looking) is just... old. Theres no other way to put it. The sound comes in and out and I... hate it.*

Sufjan Stevens' "Romulus" is playing right now and it's probably the first time I've listened to the song since singing along to it in my car with Erin last winter break. This is just a beautiful song. Sad, but beautiful. Though it makes me feel sad when I hear it, I cannot help but stop what I'm doing and take the song in. Funny how thats what I can do for a certain person as well... Thinking back to last winter, I remember the absolute joy that filled me during the week leading up to Erin coming home. In retrospect I really can't believe how blind I was. It was blatantly obvious that I was not the part in her life I thought I was but it was all that was keeping me sane. I mean, here we are, almost a year later, and I'm still in awe of what happened. You might say I haven't given myself the chance to move on...

And here I am... Friday night... Thinking of Erin. I never thought I would ever date a girl named Erin. Ofcourse I've dated two, but still, growing up I always thought I'd date a Stephanie or a girl with an uncommon name ending with the letter "a". Nonetheless...

Everything reflects in nothing... Everyone runs into negation...
Quietly undergoing internal negative narrations... Quickly undone, I'm new now...
Every red-blooded, immature notion explains rushing into nervousness...

God damn I need to be a part of something real. Questioning everything has gotten so boring. I want to get back to enjoying the lack of questions...

In other news, I got a part in an upcoming play called "American Daughter." If anybody is free around the beginning of November and would like to see a play at Oakton - go.

Now Playing: Sufjan Stevens - "Romulus"