Less Cathartic/More Distracting...

Woke up saturday morning at 7. Went paintballing near Elgin for the first time ever...

...

If there was paintballing any closer, I may now be addicted. It was fucking awesome. If you have the means, you must now go. Despite straining my neck and having an endless array of welts and bruises and muscle aches and other such pains, I can honestly say it was the most fun I've had on a saturday morning since the winter of '01 when I found myself waking up next to the most adorable creation on this earth...

Speaking of... It's not getting better. I don't even try to tell myself that it will anymore, because... well, because its not. Talking to her on the phone is the most maddening process right now. She acts like the most insincere person I know when I talk to her on the phone. She feels the need to end every conversation with a half-hearted "Thanks for calling." Am I a telemarketer to her? What the fuck is this? She isn't treating me like a person, but more of an annoyance she could do without, but because of her friendly disposition, she just keeps me hanging around while I go insane with unfound and preposterous jealousy fueled by my own imagination.

I am just a fucking parasite. If you would meet her and get to know her, there is no doubt in my mind any person would side with her (not that this is a fight or anything of that sort, only that I mean anyone would sympathize more with her while telling me to relax/fuck off). But, yeah, it comes down to me being a parasite. This is not how a person should feel or be treated. But why do I come back for more and continue to annoy her? WTF is the matter with me?

This blog is not cathartic anymore. All it has become is a distraction to me and a hinderance on my becoming mentally and emotionally healthy. This blog just continues to be a fucking safe, non-criticism-based playground for my imagination to run wild... in the worst possible ways.

That's the sign of an unhealthy brain...

Now Playing: Nico - "The Fairest of the Seasons"