Making the World's Most Deceptive Smiles for Six Months Now...

Wow. This was the worst day ever.

I - was reassured of the fact that I am worthless to everyone and everything
- enjoyed a wonderfully relaxing time watching T.V. on the couch with Erin only to have it be destroyed by her asking how long it would take for me to stop thinking of her as a girlfriend
- got physically sick to the sound of her telling me she has a "crush" on someone
- wanted to cause a fatal car crash, but stopped for insurance reasons concerning my parents having to cough up money on my behalf
- realized that everything I've worked so hard to secure for myself in the last four years is now bullshit
- realized that I have no one to turn to
- went to work
- left work early because I was too sick to even stand (having to do with many things on my mind, I suppose)
- got written up for doing so
- got home and watched the Cubs come back from a large deficit only to lose the lead and end up breaking my heart

and...

I am now terribly tempted to burn everything I own that has anything to do with Erin, highschool, past friends, and basically my entire life up until this point...

About Erin's little "crush"... She was showing me pictures of her social activities during the past school year and came upon a picture of her with some guy in the background at a winter formal dance. She told me that she had a crush on this guy... I know she doesn't care for me anymore... but this was in February... Less than a month after we split up... You can imagine the feeling of whatever tiny shreds self-worth I had left just slipping away...

I mean... What am I supposed to do? What have I done to deserve this treatment from my friends and the people I thought loved and needed me? Is there a tattoo with the word "Sucker" on my forehead, or what? I'm a fucking sad sap who keeps coming back for more.

Well, I'm fucking sick and tired of being so fucking accomadating to everyone... Especially Erin. I'm becoming sick to the sights and sounds of what I thought was a great life I was putting together... I'm fucking sick of this. I'm fucking sick of going home in tears every fucking night... I can only hit my steering wheel so many times before it breaks off and I chuck it at Erin's door screaming:

"THIS IS YOUR FUCKING LOSS. HAVE A NICE LIFE."

Now Playing: The Walkmen - "What's In It For Me?"