Take that Hammer... Take it on the face.

I take a lot of shit from a lot of people. I am not perfect. I know my flaws. I know when I am doing things wrong. However, when people maliciously rip into me over things I am not even aware of (nor sure even exist) I am taken aback. In a meeting with my boss today, I felt as though my chair was raised to at least 1,000 feet. My arms were 20 yards long and I had to hold my surprised laughter from leaking out. I was being bombarded with a laundry list of things that I have been doing wrong in just one month on the job.

I have been threatened, taken advantage of and dicked around ever since I got to this job. I am told to that when someone says something, to do it without asking questions. Okay. That is fine. I do that. Being an obedient slave is not enough. I know that. I have to look and act the part as well. I wanted to do this job. I made damn sure of that before taking the position. However, I did not sign up to be personally attacked and professionally molested.

I cannot help but feel as though everything happening to me this past month has been nothing but a long, sick, twisted joke. Some one is sitting somewhere watching my every move and asking themselves... "How does it get worse for him? Do that."

I DO NOT LIKE TO FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF. THIS IS THE TRAIT OF A WEAK LOSER.

That said, you now know how asininely difficult it is for me to complain about what some sexist woman has to say while on a power trip. But I mean when someone attacks what I believe is my most endearing personal trait, something that I believe I am inherently good at, something that I actually take pride in? I can only take so much.

I have already been told (in not so many words) that they do not want me around. How do they expect me to finish this semester in a professional manner as their trained monkey when I know they have neither confidence nor trust in me. I am in a shitty place right now in all academic regards what with my incompetent adviser and money-grubbing financial aid people and a transcript department that lets documents slip through the cracks that I do not need the one place I am supposed to have some type of authority taken away from me. Scratch that. They aren't just taking it away. They are taking it away and expecting me to continue to come in while doing their little puppet dance.

I am so sick of everything right now. And this makes me hurt because the things in life I enjoy can do nothing but know this is not their fault.

Now Playing: James Blackshaw - "O True Believers"